I haven't journaled lately because I hate to think I am weak and unhappy with myself right now.

It's so difficult to put on a front and fake that I'm ok. Some days are better than others. I try to keep myself busy and plan one reason to leave my apartment each day. It's helpful to have something to take my mind off of my misery, dwelling on the unfortunate-ness that is  my life.

I find a lot of my identity in being a nurse. I've been told on numerous occasions that I'm not a failure, but it still feels that way. Like I've let down  my education and what  Michigan prepared me for. I've come to realize society puts so much worth into profession or academic endeavors. I hate answering the question of  my job search because well meaning friends will become immediately concerned, not being nosy but subconsciously showing how against the norm I am. Before, I could blend in but now it makes me singled out and the center of attention. My worth is not defined by this. At the same time I want to give back and use my skills for good.

As far as my job prospects and what area I want to narrow down to is proving a difficult process. Clinic vs hospital? Stay in Michigan vs go out of state...or country, what?? The options are endless, but it's so difficult to say where I want to go in my career. However, I cannot choose something now because of my future career security or how it will look good on my resume.

It will be ok. I will be ok.