The past two weeks have been a whirlwind of all of these emotions. And then some.
I'm a bad nurse, I've let my parents down, I've let my friends down who believed in me, I've let down my supervisor who hired me...How could God let ME down?
I feel like I'm trying to move forward from what Ellen told me. She gave me hope that she wouldn't be standing in the way of my transfer and that she supported my practice, that this wasn't the end, and that I'm not a bad nurse.
Having John representing me as a neutral third party has been so helpful in keeping me grounded.
I'm remembering my baptism just a few months ago, dedicating my life to Him as I pursued my nursing career. I knew the unknown was coming-ups and downs of patient care, emotional/physical stress, constant questions, etc-but nothing could have prepared me for the reality that I could lose my job.
In hindsight, I did everything I could and wouldn't have done it any differently. This is the only saving grace that gives me peace. Yes I did or didn't do things at times, but I didn't know any better. I'm a new nurse. I had two months to figure it all out, apparently I wasn't quick enough.
I feel like a failure, but my parents and sisters have been a cornerstone that has given me so much strength. God wouldn't allow all this suffering to be without something great at the end.
In hindsight, I did everything I could and wouldn't have done it any differently. This is the only saving grace that gives me peace. Yes I did or didn't do things at times, but I didn't know any better. I'm a new nurse. I had two months to figure it all out, apparently I wasn't quick enough.
I feel like a failure, but my parents and sisters have been a cornerstone that has given me so much strength. God wouldn't allow all this suffering to be without something great at the end.
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