Transitions

No one could have prepared me for this.

Once I barely catch my footing (ie get the hang of Day shift), I'm uprooted-off on another whirlwind of tasks/schedules/priorities (Nights are way different).

I have eight hours to complete a set amount of work; yet working with people can never be a predictable factor in the equation of my day. Yesterday, I hate that I had to deny my patient a walk and bed bath (both of which are super important for healing) because I had an admission from surgery. I had a not so ideal assignment and patients with endless needs; but who am I kidding, these are all excuses for being a horrid prioritizer and multitasker.

It makes me feel terrible, knowing I want to help but just can't. Everyone says time management takes a year to "master" but no one ever told me how disheartening this process could be.

I know I did my best, but it never seems to be enough. It's hard to be content with this experience that mixes humility and insane frustration, all to be the hands and feet of Jesus.

The parallel between my sophomore year clinical is kind of scary. What a rocky start that was as well. What am I supposed to learn from all of this? Why can't I have a smooth transition like I see my classmates having?

This path makes it harder to put up a front for my patients, but I can't hide it from God.

"On hearing this, Jesus said, "it is not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick. But go and learn what this means: 'I desire mercy not sacrifice.' For I have not come to call the righteous, but sinners."

Matthew 9:12-13

This awesome verse uses imagery of physical health to convey the message that salvation is for everyone. Humbling to those of us who think we are "healthy" or "saved," however we are all sinners in need. As a nurse-I have to have that same concept of unconditional acceptance for everyone (though effectively doing it the past few weeks has been more difficult that I imagined.)

My Call

I've been following the Urbana '12 stream this past break. I expected this "testimony" portion to be..not so moving..compared to David Platt's piercing sermon and other expositions in Luke so far. However, boy was I in for a surprise..


Thoughts after the video:
The enormity of troubles in third world countries due to lack of access to medical supplies and educated individuals always hits home, as a nurse-to-be, but this video has taken that to another level, near tears. Awareness is one thing, but action is another. I hope to one day have the opportunity and courage to really put into practice the skills and compassion I've learned the past few years. 

In a conversation at CFW '12, Fred Bailey asked if I was going to Urbana...and at the time, I was planning to. There would be many organizations where I don't have to give a year at a time (a concern of mine as a new grad nurse) but I could "tithe" in a way, a month each year...or something to that nature.. I thought to myself..wow that's perfect! I have always thought of doing some missional work with my very applicable, very hands on profession...(not to mention my oh-so-caring heart...haha.. :)

Unfortunately I am not at Urbana..but I feel that this is still a call to..make sure my "yes" isn't a flimsy, wishy-washy thing that could get put on the back burner down the road, to ensure that my heart really IS aligned with his and that the love I can share can be far more than I will ever be able to see with my human eyes.

Beginnings

I've been thinking about starting a blog for a while...I always postponed it though, because I'm not the most eloquent person or into technology with these types of things. What pushed me over the edge was not to "have more thoughts" or "see how many views I'll get" but more...that I could record my patient interactions from clinical and realize what God has been doing in my life and those around me. I'm on a path to "help people," but what good is it if I can only recall a handful stories about people who have changed me? Surely there have been more than that, but my memory naturally and easily fades amidst frustration, tiring hours, and things to do when I get home. By now, my senior year in college, with 288 clinical hours this semester..and probably over 400 hours total, with work on TOP of that.. I should have a lot more to say about how UMHS has softened my heart to God's suffering people. 

So, at a screening of Nefarious: Merchant of Souls, 12/7/12, I thought "I think I do a lot to fight injustice and oppression..as much as a college student can at least, without breaking my bank account, but I see a lot of suffering within a mile from my campus, how can I share THAT?" 

Once in a while, I'll have a friend ask, "How was clinical/work? Any good stories?" And even less, I've been able to tell the trials and triumphs I have the privilege of witnessing. It's as much of an exercise for me, as much as for you the reader, to open my eyes to how these people have molded me, shaped me, and produced me into a compassionate and caring nurse.